Sometimes when I talk with people I run into a wall of silence. I run out of things to say. Or I have nothing to say. Or when we just finish a topic in the conversation and I don't know where the conversation is going to go next. I worry that these bouts of silence might make the other person feel awkward. I can definitely say for myself that it sometimes makes me feel awkward, because I feel like I should be saying something, but my mind is literally blank. Does this make me less personable or harder to speak to? I know it's okay to take a little bit of time to think about what someone else just said. But my mind just goes blank sometimes when I'm with other people, which is really weird because when I'm not around people I sometimes have a bunch of thoughts zipping around in my head. I don't like making things awkward.
I worry my awkward pauses and introversion might ruin my interviews or make me worse of a doctor or teacher. Or doing any sort of speaking and communicating in general.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
A Look Back
While pretending to be a non-Christian during a mock GIG, I realized how much I have changed since I decided to follow Jesus, especially since that decision was made less than a year ago (11 months to be more accurate). My views on life, death, friends, relationships, marriage, individuals, humanity, personal growth, love, faith, and religion now are all so much different than they were 6 years ago when I knew virtually nothing about Christianity, 2 years ago when I was a senior attending a Catholic high school for the academics rather than the religious aspects, and even a year ago when I wanted to know more about Christ but wasn't sure if it was right for me.
As someone who was once skeptical about religion, miracles, and a god-man named Jesus, I am amazed to find out that sometimes I find it hard to think like someone who isn't Christian. Other times when I was acting as a GIG leader speaking to someone who wasn't Christian, I found out that sometimes I used terms or ideas that would make no sense to someone who was not familiar with Christianity. One of the main reasons I became interested in leading a GIG was that I thought that as an agnostic who converted to Christianity, I might be able to relate to and understand atheists and agnostics in a different way from those who had grown up in the Church their whole lives. Yet I am humbled to discover that I, a former agnostic, may not understand how an atheist or agnostic might feel about something. No matter what my previous experiences are, I have to be humble, compassionate, empathetic (or at least sympathetic), and a good listener if I want to understand someone, have that person share their feelings with sincerity, and have that person trust me, and more importantly trust God, when we try to share the Gospel with that person.
To elaborate upon what I think about all the things I mentioned in the beginning of the blog would probably lead me to write a huge essay, which I do not have time for at 4 am. However, I will say that to learn what faith, hope, and love are means so much to me. They are the foundation of my new life in Christ, and they have brought a joy and contentment that I had never felt in my life before coming to Christ. Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
I never thought I would say again that after I graduated from St. Ed's.
As someone who was once skeptical about religion, miracles, and a god-man named Jesus, I am amazed to find out that sometimes I find it hard to think like someone who isn't Christian. Other times when I was acting as a GIG leader speaking to someone who wasn't Christian, I found out that sometimes I used terms or ideas that would make no sense to someone who was not familiar with Christianity. One of the main reasons I became interested in leading a GIG was that I thought that as an agnostic who converted to Christianity, I might be able to relate to and understand atheists and agnostics in a different way from those who had grown up in the Church their whole lives. Yet I am humbled to discover that I, a former agnostic, may not understand how an atheist or agnostic might feel about something. No matter what my previous experiences are, I have to be humble, compassionate, empathetic (or at least sympathetic), and a good listener if I want to understand someone, have that person share their feelings with sincerity, and have that person trust me, and more importantly trust God, when we try to share the Gospel with that person.
To elaborate upon what I think about all the things I mentioned in the beginning of the blog would probably lead me to write a huge essay, which I do not have time for at 4 am. However, I will say that to learn what faith, hope, and love are means so much to me. They are the foundation of my new life in Christ, and they have brought a joy and contentment that I had never felt in my life before coming to Christ. Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
I never thought I would say again that after I graduated from St. Ed's.
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