Alone in Westlake

It's really hit me how superficial my friendships were before college.

It's hard to talk to most of my friends at home about anything meaningful. It feels even harder to ask them how they're feeling. When I do ask how they're feeling, they don't say much.

Only one of my friends who I keep in touch with now from before high school is Christian.

I'm missing several friends from CityLights and the whole community in general. Even though I wasn't close with everyone, I've never been in a group as caring, real, vulnerable, passionate, diverse, fun, and unique before.

Only 7% of adults in Americans would be defined as evangelical based on the criteria at the bottom of this web page (which pretty much matches Wikipedia's definition of an evangelical Christian): http://www.barna.org/culture-articles/18-how-people-of-faith-voted-in-the-2008-presidential-race My own answer on if the Bible is accurate in everything it teaches varies depending on how the word "accurate" is defined.

And I wonder what many Christians believe about their own religion: "Among individuals who describe themselves as Christian, for instance, close to half believe that Satan does not exist, one-third contend that Jesus sinned while He was on earth, two-fifths say they do not have a responsibility to share the Christian faith with others, and one-quarter dismiss the idea that the Bible is accurate in all of the principles it teaches." Source: http://www.barna.org/faith-spirituality/15-christianity-is-no-longer-americans-default-faith

My sister's such a great person. She's more caring, sensitive, and open-minded than a lot of people I know. Yet she doesn't know much about Jesus. What happens to good people who don't follow Jesus when they die?

I feel like there may not be many people who will agree with me or support me in my life. I may not be close with my family or home or college friends in the future. I feel like even many Christians may not even understand me. I wonder if people will ridicule me for my faith or beliefs, especially in the scientific and medical community. What if what I am founding my life on turns out to be a myth or a lie? I know that few people take the narrow path, but it just feels so lonely.

I just feel like such an anomaly. I'm a little Chinese guy from a not so rich family in a rich, white suburb who loves Jesus and likes science, indie rock, Disney and Miyazaki movies, and Asian food, not including a majority of Americanized Chinese food. I know more Spanish than Chinese. I don't like bacon, candy, cake (unless it's ice cream, cookie, or fruit), and soda (to a lesser extent). I want to learn to drive a stickshift and own one in the future. I could have been a super video game nerd if I had grown up with access to video games but I'm not. I like to play sports even though I'm bad at most of them, and if there are good people playing, I won't play. Nearly all of my college friends are Asian, but all of my home friends are white except one (he's Arabic). The friends I hung out with most during high school didn't even go to my high school. I went to a Catholic high school even though I was agnostic at the time, and I remained agnostic until the end of my freshman year in college. My family has only really been friends with one or maybe two other Chinese families in my suburb, even though there are several other Chinese families in my suburb. My family consists of a zealous Taoist, a zealous Christian, an agnostic pursuing a religious studies minor, and one who is apathetic about religion.

In other words, I'm kinda Asian but not really, kinda white but not really, really nerdy but not really, kinda athletic but not really at all.

Am I becoming like hypocritical, bigoted, closed-minded, judgmental Christians who say inflammatory things about people who disagree with them? Jesus' harshest words were directed not toward prostitutes, homosexuals, tax collectors, or gentiles, but toward Pharisees, who were among the strictest observers of religious laws in the day and were among the most well versed and knowledgeable in holy scriptures.

Maybe I'm not as grateful about growing up in Westlake, one of the wealthiest suburbs on the west side of Cleveland, as I should be. But frankly I don't really like most people in Westlake. Many of the kids my age from Westlake and my Catholic high school (which was not located in Westlake but had a significant number of students from Westlake)...

-think their suburb and country is better than everyone else's.
-are materialistic.
-hate and make fun of homosexuals.
-are Christian but don't take their faith seriously at all.
-have stereotypes or prejudices about African Americans, Muslims, and Arabs.
-don't feel safe or comfortable to be themselves.

A man from the neighborhood who was walking his dogs with his wife and two children said, "Hi," to me when I was outside. I wish that would happen more often.

When home doesn't feel like home...